Sleep, hold me,
Flow over me.
Caress the hurt places.
Blow softly on the wounds.
Sleep, carry me,
Take me away.
Find a safe Somewhere.
Give me your gentle shadow.
Sleep, restore me,
Let me breathe.
Stop time for a while.
Tomorrow I will be new.
pb ~ 1974
Monday, December 20, 2010
What are you leaving behind?
One of the subjects you start to think about once in a while when you are sixty-something is death and its aftermath. You've reached an age where more people you know are leaving this realm via that awful sounding term, "passing away" than ever before. Quite possibly you have already lost a spouse or a parent. Most likely, you have begun to contemplate your own mortality. You may have even planned your final event so your loved ones won't have to. If you are smart, you are wondering what is next after this life.
Now, this is not an essay about death but rather some musings on those things that are left behind. Yes, you cannot take them with you. Therefore, you must leave them for someone else to deal with.
When my previous husband succumbed to cancer, he not only left his Stuff but he was a widower when I married him and he left me her Stuff to deal with as well. Needless to say, I was not happy about that. It was hard enough through tears and grief to figure out what to do with his things without having to sort through her things, too. (Thankfully, I was able to locate her family and deliver some items to them.)
There is a myriad of things and arrangements and issues and connections and finances and decisions that must be made that you probably don't know about unless you've been through this experience. And, I suppose, some of you may never have to go through it. Especially if you are a male; statistically, not only do women live longer but it usually falls to the daughters and sisters to handle these details.
My father had been preceded by his wife of 46 years so Sis and I had his and hers to take care of last year when he left us. As with my husband, there was garage sale after garage sale followed by numerous trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. Dispensing with mementos and bequests went much more smoothly than the articles left over.
By far the most intriguing aspect of these tasks was learning so much more about the person who has departed by virtue of handling their belongings and sorting through their papers. You can think you really know someone until you see what they have collected throughout the years.
Many of you, dear Readers, are shaking your heads and saying, "Boy! Do I know what you mean!" Ultimately, though, what you may not have thought about yet is your own Stuff.
Have you looked in drawers and boxes and closets and under the beds and up in the attic and over in the barn to see what your loved ones will have to deal with? What will they learn and think about you when they touch your treasures or riffle through your pictures? Will they encounter a big mess or are you more organized? Do you have secrets that, God forbid, will be revealed after your departure? Have you hung onto every picture your children ever drew?
Actually, I started wondering about this way back when I saw the movie, "Thelma and Louise." The detective who was pursuing them made judgments about Louise based on how very tidy her apartment was. Since then, I have not been able to go on a trip without cleaning my house thoroughly.
It was such a painful, exhausting and lengthy ordeal to take care of my husband and my father's belongings - and their spouses' - that I have begun the process of weeding out MY junk. I have even started listing small items in my will that I know would be meaningful to each of my loved ones. I'm organizing the closets, clearing out worthless memorabilia and making headway on the attic. I put important papers in a safe deposit box and will include final instructions and love letters to my sons.
No, I am not dying. I just don't want my loved ones to suffer more than necessary when I do!
Now, this is not an essay about death but rather some musings on those things that are left behind. Yes, you cannot take them with you. Therefore, you must leave them for someone else to deal with.
When my previous husband succumbed to cancer, he not only left his Stuff but he was a widower when I married him and he left me her Stuff to deal with as well. Needless to say, I was not happy about that. It was hard enough through tears and grief to figure out what to do with his things without having to sort through her things, too. (Thankfully, I was able to locate her family and deliver some items to them.)
There is a myriad of things and arrangements and issues and connections and finances and decisions that must be made that you probably don't know about unless you've been through this experience. And, I suppose, some of you may never have to go through it. Especially if you are a male; statistically, not only do women live longer but it usually falls to the daughters and sisters to handle these details.
My father had been preceded by his wife of 46 years so Sis and I had his and hers to take care of last year when he left us. As with my husband, there was garage sale after garage sale followed by numerous trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. Dispensing with mementos and bequests went much more smoothly than the articles left over.
By far the most intriguing aspect of these tasks was learning so much more about the person who has departed by virtue of handling their belongings and sorting through their papers. You can think you really know someone until you see what they have collected throughout the years.
Many of you, dear Readers, are shaking your heads and saying, "Boy! Do I know what you mean!" Ultimately, though, what you may not have thought about yet is your own Stuff.
Have you looked in drawers and boxes and closets and under the beds and up in the attic and over in the barn to see what your loved ones will have to deal with? What will they learn and think about you when they touch your treasures or riffle through your pictures? Will they encounter a big mess or are you more organized? Do you have secrets that, God forbid, will be revealed after your departure? Have you hung onto every picture your children ever drew?
Actually, I started wondering about this way back when I saw the movie, "Thelma and Louise." The detective who was pursuing them made judgments about Louise based on how very tidy her apartment was. Since then, I have not been able to go on a trip without cleaning my house thoroughly.
It was such a painful, exhausting and lengthy ordeal to take care of my husband and my father's belongings - and their spouses' - that I have begun the process of weeding out MY junk. I have even started listing small items in my will that I know would be meaningful to each of my loved ones. I'm organizing the closets, clearing out worthless memorabilia and making headway on the attic. I put important papers in a safe deposit box and will include final instructions and love letters to my sons.
No, I am not dying. I just don't want my loved ones to suffer more than necessary when I do!
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