When you spend your time alone (or work at home), you have no reflections, no mirror or validation from others.
We may not even realize how important it is to your equilibrium to have people - and successful dealings with them - to let you know you are alive. And functioning.
A trip to the grocery can stretch out as you smile at and make comments to other shoppers. You may even find yourself asking the workers the locations of things you don't really need.
When your spouse gets home from work, you can't wait to spew the thousands of saved up words. To see the expressions of awe or gratitude, agreement or doubt; emotions to reflect your own feelings and experiences.
I love my time in the quiet house to write, to do my computer work, to contemplate. Yet sometimes, I feel like the child who calls out in the dark and gets no answer.
Saturday, July 2, 2011
Change
You want change? Then change!
Change yourself!
This country is made up of people like you and me and the government is not the agent of change regardless of what you have been sold.
Change yourself!
This country is made up of people like you and me and the government is not the agent of change regardless of what you have been sold.
What Value a Life?
We human beings are so temporary, so fragile, so transitory in this life. In the past few years, at my age, I've known too many who've died.
Today, I think of my stepfather who married my mother 46 years ago. I sit in his house and see the things he's left behind; things that evoke memories of other times and things that had meaning to him. I see objects that represent his interests and his values.
I have to wonder, like the song, "Is that all there is?"
No, these things cannot be all there is to stand as testament to a life that spanned seventy-one years. If nothing else, they are even more transitory; these things will have to be given their own final resting place. My own widowhood has taught me that you must eventually dispose of them or they become like an extra set of clothes worn over your own.
A very few people will leave a large mark on the world when they leave. Heroes and statesmen; the famous and infamous, may be recorded as having an impact. For most of us, however, our legacy will be the lives we touch daily and directly. Our value will be to the people we encounter, the ways in which we change their lives and the memories we leave behind .
(Note: my stepfather gave us many wonderful good times, took very good care of my mother and left her financially independent. He served his country for 20+ years; had many, many hobbies; and, unknown to most, wrote some pretty good poetry.)
2006
Today, I think of my stepfather who married my mother 46 years ago. I sit in his house and see the things he's left behind; things that evoke memories of other times and things that had meaning to him. I see objects that represent his interests and his values.
I have to wonder, like the song, "Is that all there is?"
No, these things cannot be all there is to stand as testament to a life that spanned seventy-one years. If nothing else, they are even more transitory; these things will have to be given their own final resting place. My own widowhood has taught me that you must eventually dispose of them or they become like an extra set of clothes worn over your own.
A very few people will leave a large mark on the world when they leave. Heroes and statesmen; the famous and infamous, may be recorded as having an impact. For most of us, however, our legacy will be the lives we touch daily and directly. Our value will be to the people we encounter, the ways in which we change their lives and the memories we leave behind .
(Note: my stepfather gave us many wonderful good times, took very good care of my mother and left her financially independent. He served his country for 20+ years; had many, many hobbies; and, unknown to most, wrote some pretty good poetry.)
2006
Unconscious?
Driving in the rain without lights
Pulling in front of other cars without checking to see how fast they are approaching
Hurting someone's feelings without noticing
Not cleaning until the mess is overwhelming
Talking so loud that everyone can hear
Tracking in mud
Making rules that hurt the business
Forgetting people's birthdays
Not voting
Agreeing when you don't know the ramifications
Never wondering about the source of the information
Pulling in front of other cars without checking to see how fast they are approaching
Hurting someone's feelings without noticing
Not cleaning until the mess is overwhelming
Talking so loud that everyone can hear
Tracking in mud
Making rules that hurt the business
Forgetting people's birthdays
Not voting
Agreeing when you don't know the ramifications
Never wondering about the source of the information
Nothing Out of Place
I have GOT to have a place for everything. Could that be because there is so much Everything that it must be catalogued? Maybe. Maybe not.
I just had an epiphany! I spend an inordinate amount of time every day putting things back in their place. Ooh, what a concept, "place".
Come on now, ladies, don't you automatically put things away every day, too? Men, with their compartments, probably don't even see any objects out of place. Many don't even see what they are looking for when it is right in front of them. (Sexist remark, I'm sure, but it has borne out with every male I've encountered. But, that's another topic altogether.)
Just plain old walking through engages peripheral vision and the stuff that is not where it belongs such as a piece of clothing, drinking glasses, junk mail, project goodies, receipts to be filed - catches my eye. Yells at me.
It is a seemingly small deal in the larger scheme of things yet that "inordinate amount of time" is when the activity gets your attention.
I don't have a houseful of kids on a daily basis anymore and my husband is not particularly messy. Quite clean, in fact.
I think my sense of well-being is attached to living in order. I can better focus on what's needful outside of my realm when nothing at home is calling for my attention.
I just had an epiphany! I spend an inordinate amount of time every day putting things back in their place. Ooh, what a concept, "place".
Come on now, ladies, don't you automatically put things away every day, too? Men, with their compartments, probably don't even see any objects out of place. Many don't even see what they are looking for when it is right in front of them. (Sexist remark, I'm sure, but it has borne out with every male I've encountered. But, that's another topic altogether.)
Just plain old walking through engages peripheral vision and the stuff that is not where it belongs such as a piece of clothing, drinking glasses, junk mail, project goodies, receipts to be filed - catches my eye. Yells at me.
It is a seemingly small deal in the larger scheme of things yet that "inordinate amount of time" is when the activity gets your attention.
I don't have a houseful of kids on a daily basis anymore and my husband is not particularly messy. Quite clean, in fact.
I think my sense of well-being is attached to living in order. I can better focus on what's needful outside of my realm when nothing at home is calling for my attention.
Monday, December 20, 2010
Sleep
Sleep, hold me,
Flow over me.
Caress the hurt places.
Blow softly on the wounds.
Sleep, carry me,
Take me away.
Find a safe Somewhere.
Give me your gentle shadow.
Sleep, restore me,
Let me breathe.
Stop time for a while.
Tomorrow I will be new.
pb ~ 1974
Flow over me.
Caress the hurt places.
Blow softly on the wounds.
Sleep, carry me,
Take me away.
Find a safe Somewhere.
Give me your gentle shadow.
Sleep, restore me,
Let me breathe.
Stop time for a while.
Tomorrow I will be new.
pb ~ 1974
What are you leaving behind?
One of the subjects you start to think about once in a while when you are sixty-something is death and its aftermath. You've reached an age where more people you know are leaving this realm via that awful sounding term, "passing away" than ever before. Quite possibly you have already lost a spouse or a parent. Most likely, you have begun to contemplate your own mortality. You may have even planned your final event so your loved ones won't have to. If you are smart, you are wondering what is next after this life.
Now, this is not an essay about death but rather some musings on those things that are left behind. Yes, you cannot take them with you. Therefore, you must leave them for someone else to deal with.
When my previous husband succumbed to cancer, he not only left his Stuff but he was a widower when I married him and he left me her Stuff to deal with as well. Needless to say, I was not happy about that. It was hard enough through tears and grief to figure out what to do with his things without having to sort through her things, too. (Thankfully, I was able to locate her family and deliver some items to them.)
There is a myriad of things and arrangements and issues and connections and finances and decisions that must be made that you probably don't know about unless you've been through this experience. And, I suppose, some of you may never have to go through it. Especially if you are a male; statistically, not only do women live longer but it usually falls to the daughters and sisters to handle these details.
My father had been preceded by his wife of 46 years so Sis and I had his and hers to take care of last year when he left us. As with my husband, there was garage sale after garage sale followed by numerous trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. Dispensing with mementos and bequests went much more smoothly than the articles left over.
By far the most intriguing aspect of these tasks was learning so much more about the person who has departed by virtue of handling their belongings and sorting through their papers. You can think you really know someone until you see what they have collected throughout the years.
Many of you, dear Readers, are shaking your heads and saying, "Boy! Do I know what you mean!" Ultimately, though, what you may not have thought about yet is your own Stuff.
Have you looked in drawers and boxes and closets and under the beds and up in the attic and over in the barn to see what your loved ones will have to deal with? What will they learn and think about you when they touch your treasures or riffle through your pictures? Will they encounter a big mess or are you more organized? Do you have secrets that, God forbid, will be revealed after your departure? Have you hung onto every picture your children ever drew?
Actually, I started wondering about this way back when I saw the movie, "Thelma and Louise." The detective who was pursuing them made judgments about Louise based on how very tidy her apartment was. Since then, I have not been able to go on a trip without cleaning my house thoroughly.
It was such a painful, exhausting and lengthy ordeal to take care of my husband and my father's belongings - and their spouses' - that I have begun the process of weeding out MY junk. I have even started listing small items in my will that I know would be meaningful to each of my loved ones. I'm organizing the closets, clearing out worthless memorabilia and making headway on the attic. I put important papers in a safe deposit box and will include final instructions and love letters to my sons.
No, I am not dying. I just don't want my loved ones to suffer more than necessary when I do!
Now, this is not an essay about death but rather some musings on those things that are left behind. Yes, you cannot take them with you. Therefore, you must leave them for someone else to deal with.
When my previous husband succumbed to cancer, he not only left his Stuff but he was a widower when I married him and he left me her Stuff to deal with as well. Needless to say, I was not happy about that. It was hard enough through tears and grief to figure out what to do with his things without having to sort through her things, too. (Thankfully, I was able to locate her family and deliver some items to them.)
There is a myriad of things and arrangements and issues and connections and finances and decisions that must be made that you probably don't know about unless you've been through this experience. And, I suppose, some of you may never have to go through it. Especially if you are a male; statistically, not only do women live longer but it usually falls to the daughters and sisters to handle these details.
My father had been preceded by his wife of 46 years so Sis and I had his and hers to take care of last year when he left us. As with my husband, there was garage sale after garage sale followed by numerous trips to the Salvation Army and Goodwill. Dispensing with mementos and bequests went much more smoothly than the articles left over.
By far the most intriguing aspect of these tasks was learning so much more about the person who has departed by virtue of handling their belongings and sorting through their papers. You can think you really know someone until you see what they have collected throughout the years.
Many of you, dear Readers, are shaking your heads and saying, "Boy! Do I know what you mean!" Ultimately, though, what you may not have thought about yet is your own Stuff.
Have you looked in drawers and boxes and closets and under the beds and up in the attic and over in the barn to see what your loved ones will have to deal with? What will they learn and think about you when they touch your treasures or riffle through your pictures? Will they encounter a big mess or are you more organized? Do you have secrets that, God forbid, will be revealed after your departure? Have you hung onto every picture your children ever drew?
Actually, I started wondering about this way back when I saw the movie, "Thelma and Louise." The detective who was pursuing them made judgments about Louise based on how very tidy her apartment was. Since then, I have not been able to go on a trip without cleaning my house thoroughly.
It was such a painful, exhausting and lengthy ordeal to take care of my husband and my father's belongings - and their spouses' - that I have begun the process of weeding out MY junk. I have even started listing small items in my will that I know would be meaningful to each of my loved ones. I'm organizing the closets, clearing out worthless memorabilia and making headway on the attic. I put important papers in a safe deposit box and will include final instructions and love letters to my sons.
No, I am not dying. I just don't want my loved ones to suffer more than necessary when I do!
Monday, November 29, 2010
Some at a Time
Lots of things one might wish to accomplish could seem too big or too onerous a job. Too herculean a task! Too easy to relegate to "later". I've developed a cure for that.
All the way back when my children were old enough to clean their own room but young enough to resist, I advised they break the task up into groups or types of chores and just do some at a time.
"Go through and pick the clothes up off the floor first!"
I even suggested they do a little each weekday rather than destroy a whole Saturday with cleaning their room.
This method works for almost ANYTHING you really hate to do or can't find the appropriate chunk of time for.
Gathering data for taxes. Rearranging my office. Pulling weeds. Christmas shopping. Entering customers into the database. Filing (ugh!) Cleaning the garage. Washing all 20 windows. Posting essays onto a blog.
You can begin by making to do lists. Yes, I said "lists" as in multiple lists. First and foremost is the To Do Today list. If the goal is due soon, I can usually still break it into tasks that I spread out over the entire day.
My lists often look like outlines (remember outlines from high school?) Wonderful way to sub-list tasks under a major heading. Sublists also give you the satisfaction of checking off finished portions. And, you'll know where you left off.
I have a To Do Someday list. As I think of things I wish were done, I go ahead and write them down on my Someday list. Tiling the bathroom is one. Actually, and finally, installing the Koi pond is another. We did buy the Kit so I think that qualifies for Some at a Time.
Obviously some things should be started and finished in the same go. In which case, you're on your own!
All the way back when my children were old enough to clean their own room but young enough to resist, I advised they break the task up into groups or types of chores and just do some at a time.
"Go through and pick the clothes up off the floor first!"
I even suggested they do a little each weekday rather than destroy a whole Saturday with cleaning their room.
This method works for almost ANYTHING you really hate to do or can't find the appropriate chunk of time for.
Gathering data for taxes. Rearranging my office. Pulling weeds. Christmas shopping. Entering customers into the database. Filing (ugh!) Cleaning the garage. Washing all 20 windows. Posting essays onto a blog.
You can begin by making to do lists. Yes, I said "lists" as in multiple lists. First and foremost is the To Do Today list. If the goal is due soon, I can usually still break it into tasks that I spread out over the entire day.
My lists often look like outlines (remember outlines from high school?) Wonderful way to sub-list tasks under a major heading. Sublists also give you the satisfaction of checking off finished portions. And, you'll know where you left off.
I have a To Do Someday list. As I think of things I wish were done, I go ahead and write them down on my Someday list. Tiling the bathroom is one. Actually, and finally, installing the Koi pond is another. We did buy the Kit so I think that qualifies for Some at a Time.
Obviously some things should be started and finished in the same go. In which case, you're on your own!
Sunday, January 20, 2008
Writing
When Pain wakes the Muse
The Words simply flow
Then Anger and Fear
Have somewhere to go
The shadows roll back
Exposing the Cause
I guess Pain deserves
A round of applause
The Words simply flow
Then Anger and Fear
Have somewhere to go
The shadows roll back
Exposing the Cause
I guess Pain deserves
A round of applause
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